Somehow, I made it to the second trimester with my sanity (mostly) intact.
I mean, there were some close calls. Stopping the progesterone at 12 weeks (which, mind you, is two weeks after my clinic's standard protocol, per my insistence) nearly put me over the edge. Multiple friends and doctors had to listen to the word "progesterone" come out of my mouth too many times to recall. I was and am a one-hit wonder when it comes to getting through this pregnancy.
But ah, stopping the progesterone. Now that I'm 14 weeks and that's behind me (so to speak), my own behind and I are so happy not to have that nightly rendez-vous with an intramuscular injection. Should we talk about the horror of having two regular people, totally untrained in any sort of medicine, doing an injection in their bathroom every night? I really do not know for whom this was a bigger ordeal. My poor husband, manly in every way except when it comes to needles, was aghast when I first told him we'd have to do it for at least 10 weeks. But I have to give him credit -- he really stepped up. There were a few times it almost went south. Like the time there actually was blood in there when he pulled back the plunger (which means, dear reader, that he'd stuck it in a vein). And also: the two times when he pulled the needle out and blood literally squirted across the bathroom. When we recovered from the horror show, we almost laughed about it. Almost.
So anyway, here I am. I've had my NT scan with my peri, another positive proof point, after PGD, that this baby is likely healthy. Had my 12 week OB visit too -- a charmingly routine affair during which I peed in their little cup and talked to my OB about birth, of all things.
But before you conclude I've become all breezy rainbows and unicorns about this, think again. I am me, after all. I'm going to worry until I hear that gorgeous cry, hopefully this August. Despite being 14 weeks and sporting a true bump, I'm not sure I'm ready to talk about it with a broad audience. I'm still trying to figure out how to go about that.
But at 14 weeks, I am, for the second time, in the second tri. And it really feels like a second try for a miracle I've been praying for.
Saturday, February 22, 2014
Somehow, I made it to the second trimester with my sanity (mostly) intact.
Posted by Good Egg Hatched at 6:41 AM
Thursday, January 16, 2014
Greetings from 9 weeks. Never thought I'd arrive, but the weather is fine!
Seriously, people. How is it that other people's pregnancies are over in a flash? Friends and celebrities seem to have mastered some sort of supersonic gestation technique. But your own pregnancy, when you've worked for it and just really need the first trimester to take about five minutes -- it crawls by at a snail's pace.
Still. Obviously I am grateful to be at this point. I don't want to say it out loud but I have not been here often.
The spotting continues -- all brown, which makes health care providers absolutely yawn in your face, because they are not the one who has to take a deep breath while pulling down their pants. I think it would really help me if someone would come over here with an ultrasound machine, like every single day. Why is this not offered? Luckily, I am still seeing the RE to monitor hormones as I'm weaned off the medications, and have also gotten in with an OB and a perinatologist, who will do my scans. So if a slightly illogical but urgent question pops up, say, what will happen if my son's friend pushes me in the stomach or will I bake the baby with my heated car seats, I can spread the crazy evenly over three medical professionals' offices.
Posted by Good Egg Hatched at 11:51 AM
Monday, January 6, 2014
It was a long time, the seconds between the probe going in and the words coming out of her mouth. And you can trust that this is true, because my husband, who had the objectivity of not having a probe swimming around in his own nether region, later told me he thought it seemed like a while too.
And I don't know for sure what she said, even though I'd imagined it in moments of optimism, I don't know what she actually said, because I don't think I was actually in my own body, able to hear things. I was floating somewhere, waiting for someone to say something that made me think it was okay to be in that room.
Whatever she said, it registered that there was a beating heart on the screen, that pulse of light I'd prayed to see. And this time, when everyone in the room sighed their sigh of relief and said things like Congratulations and I'm so happy for you, it felt like they were talking to me and that it was really, truly true.
The heart rate measured at 164. I saw it with my own eyes and heard it with my own ears.
Posted by Good Egg Hatched at 4:36 PM
Thursday, January 2, 2014
So of course this couldn't have been straightforward, 40 weeks of blissful nesting and pickle flavored ice cream eating. No. I'm going to have to work for this, whether it goes the distance or not.
Posted by Good Egg Hatched at 9:27 AM
Tuesday, December 17, 2013
So everything on paper is looking good. The number doubled and change from Wednesday to Friday. Then rose to 949 on Monday. If I were a normal person with a short OB/GYN history, I'd be on my merry way. I'd be picking out nursery colors.
But I'm not. This is my seventh pregnancy. I have one child. Granted, he's a pretty incredible one child, but those are some messed up numbers. So forgive me if I'm not dancing in the streets just yet. Or maybe, even if this thing goes the distance, maybe not ever, during the whole thing. Maybe it will be just like with my H, when his first cry in the operating room took me by surprise. When I said, There was really a baby in there, with a genuine sense of astonishment.
Posted by Good Egg Hatched at 5:47 PM
Wednesday, December 11, 2013
Today's beta: 116. Am told they look for 50 at this point.
The first step of many. But for tonight, let me just say, in a quiet voice in case fate is listening: yay.
Posted by Good Egg Hatched at 6:28 PM
Saturday, December 7, 2013
I thought I'd be somehow enlightened. I've been around the block on the two-week wait, the beta wait, the ultrasound wait. All the waiting. I thought I'd be above the drama. But no. I'm plugging all the search strings in: POAS after five-day transfer. Symptoms after five-day transfer. Success rates after FET. Engaging in the Dr. Google madness like some sort of newly initiated infertile.
Also, my in-laws arrive from the other coast tonight. Which means they will be here, in my house, the day of the test. Can someone please tell me how I am supposed to work this? I don't have a great history with them on these issues, what with their stone cold radio silence when we told them, on Mother's Day, that the reason we weren't doing much was that I was recovering from a D&C, from my fourth recent miscarriage. I told my husband that if it is negative, I shall be retiring to our bedroom and a tray of fettuccine alfredo, chocolate cake and a bottle of red wine shall be delivered to my bedside. But I'm not sure that really covers it. And what if it's positive?
Just to add to all the merriment, our cat was playing with a twist tie this morning, and when we turned away and looked back at her, she was licking her chops and the twist tie was MIA. We looked everywhere for it, and I called the vet. They strongly suggested we bring her in. While my husband was waiting for her to be x-rayed -- and God knows how they got my Woody Allen of a cat to sit for an x-ray -- I came downstairs and saw the twist tie sitting right next to the couch. We paid $250 and they saw food and hairballs on the x-ray.
Meanwhile, I look about four months along. I'm going to assume this is from the massive amounts of progesterone I'm injecting into my body (based on reading of 19.5 on Wednesday -- this clinic checks two days after transfer -- they raised my dose to 1.5 cc), but if it turns out I'm not pregnant, I'm decidedly not amused.
Posted by Good Egg Hatched at 9:56 AM