Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Rising and Yet Falling

So everything on paper is looking good. The number doubled and change from Wednesday to Friday. Then rose to 949 on Monday. If I were a normal person with a short OB/GYN history, I'd be on my merry way. I'd be picking out nursery colors.

But I'm not. This is my seventh pregnancy. I have one child. Granted, he's a pretty incredible one child, but those are some messed up numbers. So forgive me if I'm not dancing in the streets just yet. Or maybe, even if this thing goes the distance, maybe not ever, during the whole thing. Maybe it will be just like with my H, when his first cry in the operating room took me by surprise. When I said, There was really a baby in there, with a genuine sense of astonishment.

I'm terrified.


Amelia said...

Sending light and love.

Turia said...

Egg, I was just thinking about you.

I hadn't realized you'd had losses pre-H. No wonder you're so scared and so scarred. That's a terrible history.

I am going to have faith for you, and I will hold on to it, even when you can't yourself.

Roccie said...

What's happening Momma? Are you doing ok? Thinking of you..

design by suckmylolly.com