Every once in a while I realize with a bit of a jolt that for three days I walked around knowing he was dead inside of me. I showed up at my best friend's house to wait for my D&E in my old hometown, because I couldn't find someone I trusted to do it here. We all sat around a table and had dinner together.
It seems like that can't be real.
I just think, how do we find the will to endure these things?
3 comments:
Have you read "Wave"? It's by a woman who survived the tsunami on Boxing Day, but lost her husband, her parents and both her sons. It is absolutely astonishing to me that she was able to (eventually) continue with life. I don't know how she could do it. But I guess if I were in her situation, I would do it too. Humans are resilient beings, even when we don't want to be.
xoxo
We find the will to endure these things because we don't have that many choices. We either continue on living, being a parent to our dead children, or we die...and they die with us.
I have been similarly shocked at my ability to continue on with life despite all that happens. It's amazing how many things can be done while crying. Showering, vacuuming, washing dishes, singing your living child to sleep. All things that can be done while your heart is breaking and tears are falling. Sending love.
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