Sunday, April 20, 2014

Horror Show

It's hard to say what my favorite part of Friday night/Saturday morning was.

Was it the actual hemorrhage part, where I somehow (according to my husband who had to clean up the crime scene bathroom situation at 4:30 a.m.) got blood on the walls, all over the sink, in the heating vent and on the door?

The part where my husband fainted after jumping out of bed, and I wasn't sure what would happen to H. if both of us had to ride in an ambulance?

The ambulance ride itself (just me), looking up at a teenage boy, a member of the high school paramedics program, who now, I'm fairly certain, can never unsee the sight of my bloody lady bits?

Maybe it was the number of times I was asked how many pads I was soaking an hour, when the bleeding so obviously could not be contained by any man-made pad.

Or how about laying in an ER room by myself, terrified, door closed and inexplicably no call button available, wondering what would happen if I started bleeding out and no one knew?

The part where they found clumps of retained tissue in my uterus and told me, unsurprisingly, that I was going to the OR?

Perhaps when I started crying on my way to said OR and my orderly told me a story of how she couldn't stop crying while she was pregnant?

I think maybe it was being brought to the maternity floor for recovery, where I was offered an ice pack wrapped in a tiny, artificially baby-scented newborn diaper. Hearing those newborn cries through the walls, and having my H. with me in a room where I'd pictured him meeting his brother.

Yeah. It's hard to say.


9 comments:

Brianna said...

My heart hurts with yours.

Julia Spencer said...

Holy f. I am so, so sorry. What an absolutely hideous experience. I hate that that happened to you, every last bit of it.

K said...

Ugh. So hard...that just sucks. Absolutely sucks :(

Holly said...

I want to hurt the person that invented the "when it rains or pours" or "kicking a dead horse" sayings because they have always seem to haunt around. You have been through ENOUGH, this is just beyond mean. I am so, so sorry. I HATE the maternity ward and diaper part the most. When I lost my soon and I realized I was still in the maternity ward, surrounded by happy new moms, I wanted to get out. Fast. My heart is with you and I hope that from here on out you can begin the slow but important healing process. Love to you.

Amelia said...

I am so so sorry. I had to have a blood transfusion after this happened to me. I send strength, light, and love. I wish I had words to ease your pain.

conceptionallychallenged said...

Oh no. I'm so sorry. I had some bleeding weeks later that sent me back to the ER (where many a nurse asked how my babies were doing...) and I feel for you. All of it just sounds awful. Hoping things get better soon, somehow.

Mrs. Lost said...

How horrible. My heart and stomach hurts for you. That is too much. I will be praying for a better tomorrow.

holly said...

Playing catch up on my reading and I'm so sorry I missed this. Hugs and warm thoughts for better days ahead

vablondie said...

I am so sorry you are going through this. That is so hard.

(I also wanted to say thanks for the comment on my blog. I appreciate it!)

 
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